Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
