So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
