dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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