??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
