He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
