So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
