Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
