My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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