I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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