Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
