Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
