so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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