the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
