Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize