I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
