id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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