so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
