i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
