Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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