Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
