Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
