Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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