pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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