dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
