Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
