Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
