after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
