Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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