so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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