Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
