just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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