Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
