Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ttyl tear gas
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
