Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
