your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
