There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
