HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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