ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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