We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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