I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
