And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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