Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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