remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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