I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
