did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
