You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
