You can't motorboat a personality
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
