We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
