i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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