Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
