im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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