apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
