And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That accounts for only three of the penises
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
