OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
