I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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