The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
