I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
