C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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