Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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