Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
