so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
