I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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