I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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