This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
