You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
