Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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