Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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