i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
