Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
