if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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