Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
