I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
