I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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